Making Lemonade

Yesterday I mentioned that I wasn't into these farewell tours by baseball players that surely will become de riguer. Today, the always-hilarious Derek Jeter's Diary points out one good thing about Jeter's upcoming tour: it will overshadow that fucking douchebag Bud Selig's Farewell Tour he was planning for himself as if anyone gives a shit.

There’s a knock at the window at exactly 3 a.m. I get up to see what it is.

It’s a crow. A crow larger than any crow I’ve ever seen. A crow the size of Andy Stankiewicz.

It stretches a leg toward me. A scroll is tied to it with a leather lace.

I read the scroll:

Dear Captain,

The timing of your Retirement is inconvenient.

This was to be my Retirement year alone.

There is not Ample room for two Retirements.

But what is Done is Done.

And so in public I shall sing Hosannas to you.

But in private I shall Curse your name

And work to destroy your Legacy

So that nothing remains but Despair and Ruin.

Just as I did to The A-Rod.

No one is bigger than Our Game

but The Commissioner,

Who holds the Power of Life and Death.

Yours,

A.H. Selig

Commissioner of the Base-Ball