Today was the hottest day since the evening in the summer of 1999 when I
was naked on my bed laying ice cubes on my chest. Then the cable went
out. Then, looking through my door into the kitchen, all of a sudden
the toaster, which wasn't even on, burst into flames. I didn't even get
up. "Seems about right," was all I could think. - XMASTIME
Apparently, this summer is NYC
is going to be more fucking unbearable than usual:
Sandi Duncan, managing editor for Farmer’s Almanac (which is still a
thing, apparently), told the Post that, “It looks like it’s going to be
an oppressively hot and humid summer for the New York area.”
Of course,
there's always this:
3) With warm weather coming up I’m bracing myself for the inevitable
advice we’ll get during the first heat wave: “Stay inside with the air
conditoning on.” Really? Wow, thanks! Cause I was gonna cover myself
in maple syrup, put on my heaviest wool sweater and spin in circles on
the baking asphalt for a while. Jesus fucking christ. “Stay
inside with the ac on.” If I could do that, Professor, then I wouldn’t
give 2 shits about the fucking heat, now would I? That’s like if I
wanna be a millionaire, “Have a million dollars in the bank!” thanks,
assface.
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