I have exactly one month to get my resolutions I made a year ago checked off:
2014 Resolutions:
1. Be more reckless with my health.
2. Watch more tv.
3. Don’t take no sh-t from nobody.
4. Loosen the hell up re: recycling.
5. Track down high school football coach, demand to know where my highlight reel for Div. I college recruiters went.
6. Fantasize more about sex with women who are way, way, way, way out of my league.
7. Leave vague, ominous messages on Facebook like “…gee, I dunno…” or ”…out on the ledge…”
8. Go to more high school parties.
9. Remind people that “nobody in (insert town) knows how to drive in the rain” more often.
10. Casually drop the phrase “deez nuts” during a meeting.
11. Spread my wings, see how high I can soar.
12. Get through the year without accidentally eating a raisin.
13. Finish my autobiography, “The Life & Times of Greg Wilson: Believe Me, It Coulda Been Worse.”
14. Talk more, listen less.
15. Find out once and for all what all these g@%!dam squirrels are up to.
16. Finally finish the last chapter of the last Sweet Valley High book. Seriously people, it’s time.
17. Quit being so goddam fearless; really question what the hell I'm
doing at every step of the way until I've talked myself out of it.
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