Oh, 90s!

Hulu's got Party of Five now, which means of course I'm about to go into a serious rabbit hole of binge-watching. My first thought is, why didn't Party of Five and My So-Called Life just morph together into one show?

Anyhoo, here's what I've written about Party of Five over the years. You're welcome.

Here's what I mentioned about each from a list of The Greatest High school Shows of All Time:

20. PARTY OF FIVE – set the standard for “how much shit can we possibly pile on one family?” Matthew Fox desperately competing with Andrew Shue on Melrose to see who could be forced to say the highest percentage of lines while sitting down due to not being able to act and chew gum at the same time. Also broke the record for over-wrought, shitty, “look at me I’m nervously tugging at the sleeves of my sweater while I take 30 minutes to say 5 words” acting. And...am I dreaming, or did Archie Bunker appear outta nowhere as some uncle or something? WTF?
Mrs. Xmastimes: Lacey Chabert (all grown up now, but I called that shit a decade early!), Jennifer Love Hewitt.

4. My So-Called Life: a great show, but way overrated since it died an early death. Like Jim Morrison, or women’s rights. Haven’t seen it in years. Did Ricky and that teacher ever end up together? Maybe training tigers somewhere together, no?
Mrs. Xmastime: had a thing for the mom; always thought she was chewing on every dick in town while completely emasculating her unemployed husband who had the “are my baby-dick nuts in your handbag?” name of “Graham.” Ugh.

Looking at this list does re-prompt a serious question however:

5. Beverly Hills, 90210 - again. How is this not #1? A show that had at least 3 different “Golden Eras.” Should be preserved in a time capsule if only for giving us Valerie Malone. Proof that, as in real life, if you have at least three friends then the total numbers of times between you all that you get busted for drunk driving, raped, shot at, embroiled in a cocaine-fueled cult, caught in fires and held at gunpoint on live tv should be somewhere in the 700-750 range. Hell, and that’s just Kelly Taylor.
Mrs. Xmastimes: too many. Even Mrs. Walsh looked fuckable after a while. Abstaining. And by that I mean I've stained my abs upon issue just thinking of all the T&A in this show. (Insert "well, where my abs would be" joke here.)