Doin' The Charleston

I found this photo of pizza at my office and I'd almost SWEAR it's a slice from my favorite pizza joint in my old neighborhood of Williamsburg, The Charleston.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't your old band used to blow the roof off that place?"

Sigh. YES, faithful readers, yes.

What Happens When Dudes Kiss

A lot of stuff has been going around re: Prop 8, should same-sex marriage be made legal etc etc. People wanna talk about the Constitutional ramifications (ooooohhh....doesn't "ramifications" just SOUND like someone's getting ass-handled?) of such an amendment, and they also wanna talk about what effect it would have on traditional marriage. I don't know what effect it would have on traditional marriage, but I am here to tell you what will happen if it becomes okay for gay people to get married: they will die.

How do I know this? Let's take a walk:

Oh look, here's Hayday rocking a nice set out at the Charleston. No big deal, just melting some faces. Hey, you worked hard all week; you've earned the right to have your ass handed to you by my bordering-on-the-absurdly frighteningly awesome fretwork.


Oh look, here's Xmastime bringing his buddy Dave up to play a song. I think it was Cant Hardly Wait, if memory serves me. And by "if memory serves me," I mean some kids from the Netherlands YouTubed it and are prolly filming me right now, as we speak.


Okay, here we are, rocking, blowing the roof off the place, and Dave comes over to sing into my mic and...OH SHIT!!! WE KISS!!!!!!!!!!! Dish & Brian have that "OMG" look on their faces.



And since we kissed, now God has decided to step in, and what does God do with dudes who kiss? That's right - he fucking vaporizes them; turning them into green dust, never to be seen again.
To be honest, I have no idea why God spared me. Maybe cause I played high school football, so he knows my gayness might've just been a thing of the moment? But poor, poor Dave...ain't seen him since. Zap, gone. After our third encore that night, when the police finally showed up to disperse the crowd and I had picked out my "Tail of the Night," I remember thinking geez, what happened to Dave? And now we know. If you're gay, God will fucking vaporize you. Vote accordingly, America.