Shopping: Dead?

The folks over at Grubstreet are wondering if apps are ruining grocery shopping?

One Whole Foods manager told BI that Prime workers are “vultures” who “come in and pick every department clean” before employees can fully restock the empty shelves from the previous day. “The Prime picking starts at 6 a.m. They are picking stuff off the shelves from every department, and there is no one to refill it,” he said. “We have pallets of groceries just sitting in the aisles, and they are desperate to get it on the shelves.” The shoppers, who are often employed by Amazon rather than Whole Foods directly, are “everywhere,” complained a Whole Foods employee in Philadelphia. “It’s like being in a sci-fi nightmare film.” In San Francisco, another Whole Foods worker complained that these shoppers weren’t taking adequate precautions. They’re “running around the store as fast as they can to fill orders as quickly as possible,” he said. “Prime Now shoppers are completely unconscious and pose a huge risk to both employees and customers.” (The grievances go on.)

While there's a good chance I'll never set foot out of my apartment ever again to buy anything, surprisingly enough for someone who is such a lazy-ass as myself food shopping (and ONLY food shopping) was a kind of shopping I always enjoyed...even if I never bought anything, as I laid out in this all-time Xmastime classic from 2009. Yes that makes me a dick, but enjoy nonetheless.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Is There a Call Girl Service Called Flesh Direct Or Did I Just invent It?

Roseanne (in checkout line): "Hey, look at what this guy is buying. Vodka, malomars, and a TV Guide. I’m guessing, single and staying that way."

I've always loved grocery shopping. The miles of food surrounding you, the colors, the choices, the piling it all into a cart, your own little world of food in a moving vehicle. There's probably something you could say here like "you can tell a lot about a person frmo what's in their shopping cart," but I don't give a shit about anyone else. I always liked mine.

When I was in college I started doing this thing where I would go to Harris Teeter and completely stuff the cart full of stuff. Complete shit I would drool over - all the frozen shit you're not supposed to eat, piles of biscuits, enough ground beef to make the cart sag with a groan. And then when I couldn't lay anything else on top...I would walk out. Leave. A dick thing to do, somebody had to eventually come put the shit back. I don't really know what possessed me to to it. I literally felt as if pulled by some force. "Okay. You're done. Great job. Ooooh, cameltoe, 9 o'clock! Leave."

So Fresh Direct is perfect for me - I can do all my fantasy shopping, get to the very end, get ready to "pay," and then...goodbye. Click. Gone. I shop as if money is no object, I have a a warehouse for a fridge and people to share it all with. Or as if I think a nuclear bomb will hit us in two days and I'm in my fallout shelter.

Now, for all I know there's some dude monitoring this shit online as it's happening, and he's rubbing his paws together, ecstatic about the "Big Fish" he's reeling in. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't I don't know. But it's my slice. 

Below are Tonight's Picks. $15K? Not bad. I've done better.