Restuarant Anxiety

One thing you people should know about your old pal Xmastime is that whenever a restaurant has any type of nontraditional ordering system my sphincter instantly clenches. But my new favorite may be when the waiter approaches the table for the first time and smugly asks, "have you dined with us before?" They always look like they're about to drop the world's greatest privileged secret on you, that other people will be leaning in to hear your answer so they can squeal with glee to be able to watch a newbie go through the process. I start to wonder am I supposed to order in Portugese while standing up, is a bear going to come out and take my order or will the goddam Brady Bunch kids come out and sing a song if I order today's magic menu item? Pants-less, do people order their food with no pants on at this establishment?

But 9 times out of 10, thankfully it's just the same as always: I tell you what food I want, you write it down and then present the food to me in a somewhat timely manner. So I never understand what the whole "OOOOOOOH yeah you're not gonna believe how we do this!!!" setup is from the waiters. 🤔🤷‍♂️