Xmatime 12 Years Ago Today

12 years ago today I wrote the greatest song of all time (warning: NSFW...or home, if I'm being honest). 

Enjoy!

I'm Jerkin' Off at the Office

I’m jerkin’ off at the office,
Can you believe that I’m doing this?
It’s the best part of being in business,
I beat my dick like I’m Peter Criss.

I’m jerkin’ off on the copier,
I’m like Joe but I’m even sloppier
My nuts are banging on the START button,
You better listen like they’re E. F. Hutton.

I’m jerkin’ off on the fax machine,
‘Bout to cum a blizzard like I’m Dairy Queen,
My hand’s a doctor and my dick’s the patient,
Can I get a SENT confirmation?

I’m jerkin’ off at the water cooler,
Come on over and bring a ruler
Measure every one of my inches,
My dick is bigger than Jane Lynch’s.

I’m jerkin’ off in your cubicle now,
Your screensaver is beautiful, wow!
Is that a photograph of your children?
Ah shit, I feel something building.

I just shot a load on your post-its,
It ain’t white-out it’s my jizz mimosas
Let’s head over to the daily meeting,
Then I’ll give my dick another beating.

I’m jerkin’ off at the office,
Can you believe that I’m doing this?
It’s the best part of being in business,
I beat my dick like I’m Peter Criss.