Xmastime Classic: 14 Years Ago Today

Saturday, June 13, 2009

FRIDAY NIGHT KIDDIE FIGHTS!!!

A while ago I came up with the idea of FRIDAY NIGHT KIDDIE FIGHTS. I was gonna stage a boxing tournament between Big Bear, Short Bus, Husky and Paddy Mac; record myself announcing the "fights" on the radio. Then I would interview them for their post-fight comments, and hilarity would ensue. I even had the script planned out:

ROUND ONE: Short Bus vs. Paddy Mac
As the bell rings for the first round, Paddy Mac is distracted upon overhearing someone in the crowd claim their ticket to the event was tax-deductible cause the ticket was donated to a charity, which Paddy Mac of course knows does not mean it's totally free, since if a taxpayer contributes cash or short term capital gain property to a public charity, and that cash and property is greater than 50% of his or her adjusted gross income, then any additionally contribution (including long term capital gain property) to any charity in that same year can not be deducted. As he's trying to explain this to the person, time on the bout runs out and Short Bus is declared the winner without having to leave his corner.

ROUND ONE: Big Bear vs. Husky
The bell rings and Husky, upon realizing who is walking towards him with a pair of gloves looking to hit someone, says "oh, HELL no!" and leaves the ring. Found five minutes later at a Pizza Hut buffet line.

CHAMPIONSHIP BOUT: Big Bear vs. Short Bus
Right before the bell they greet each other in the center of the ring; Big Bear gives Short Bus a hug. And since he knows how to hug but not RELEASE, the hug slowly turns into the two of them sliding onto the ground, grappling. Short Bus yelling "get off me!", Big Bear shouting "Good luck in the fight, buddy!!" Eventually, after 10 minutes of the crowd working itself into a frenzy, Big Bear is declared the winner since technically Short Bus wasn't physical enough to even start the fight; also, everybody "has better shit to do on a Friday night." After about 30 minutes they're peeled off each other and, after my final interviews with the puny-lists (beep) we all go to Bounce U.

Of course, this whole thing will never happen cause I'm too lazy to get it together. But what a great idea, right?