Xmastime & Sniffy

How many times over the years - or mostly, rather, during her reign as Queen of Batshit Springs, did your ol' buddy Xmastime mention Sarah Palin? Even doing a search and them counting it up would almost be an impossible job; too fucking many.

So I, always desperate to please you people, for some fucking reason, will now wow you with some of my quotes from the steaming turd of a "reality show" she dropped on TLC a few years ago. You're welcome.

- My favorite might be when Sniffs busts Piper cheating on her times tables by using a calculator. She barks at her "that's cheating, you can't do that!" Piper just kinda shrugs her shoulders at her, and Sniffy goes back to clicking away at her blackberry, presumably tweeting away to her Prayer Warriors that she's about to buy a new gun and blow away some stupid fucking bears. Mama Grizzly puts her kids first, but not enough to actually give a shit if one of them learns her times tables.

 
- But isn't it enough with the fucking fish? Christ, another fucking round of pounding and battering on the ol' tuna boat - what the fuck am I watching, The Best of John Holmes?

- My favorite line from tonight's episode of Sniff Your Enthusiasm is when Sniffy, Todd and Bristol are skeet-shooting, which Lil' Sniffs has never done before. So she's shooting without hitting a single one. Miss, miss, miss. All of a sudden Sniffy shouts out "oooh, close!" . . .What?...you really fucking telling me that you can see a fucking bullet that's about an inch long and traveling almost 1500mph? Really? Cause I'll be honest - if that's true, you have my vote. Hell, maybe you fucking CAN see Russia from not only your house, but the fucking White House.

- TLC has basically laid out this tv series to give Sniffy free reign to control how the world sees her and her family, and yet in the editing room she didn't notice that when she made this remark to her son he looked like she had just cut one.

- Sniffy spends a lot of time on her show every week claiming she deserves a medal because as THE Mama Grizzly, she'd rather her kids not get eaten by a bear. And so on this week's episode, what does she do? Takes 10 kids and puts them in a situation that they have to get training on what to do if a bear attacks them. Of course. If you love your kids so much, maybe you don't put them in situations in which they need to 1) learn how to shoot a rifle 2) know that the more noise they make, the less likely bears will swarm in and eat them.

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