Corporate America, Corporate America Regrets

I love watching people at my office pretend to pull their hair out in frustration at how slow it takes to get anything done in corporate America while sprinting to the parking garage at 4:55pm every day and taking their birthdays off; meanwhile I rarely go too long without kicking myself for not parking myself behind some corporate desk at 22 so by now I’d have like 33 weeks of vacation and nobody would be exactly sure what I do but nobody ever asks because who the hell cares anyway.