WORLDS COLLIDING

A scene from my second book, THE WEDDING PARTIES:

"Well, I got a ride with my cousin Forest so I could tie one on but when I get there BAM! there's Reenie, dancing away with anyone in sight. Drunk as a skunk. I think oh, shit, right? I immediately decided that it might be a good idea for me to NOT drink a hundred beers while I was there. Or one drop. Or even smell booze from someone talking. I avoided her all night, spent most of the time talking to our old junior varsity football coach while keeping an eye on her from across the way. Anyways, I made it through the whole night without her seeing me, and as we're finally getting ready to load up and go home I breathe a sigh of relief when...an old, withered, senior citizen hand pumping equal parts feral sexuality and Ben-Gay landed on my shoulder, sending a shudder through my body -"
"Alright this isn't Penthouse Forum, hurry it up already," George cut in.
"I turned around slowly and it was Reenie, right up in my face: 'Do I get a dance before you leave?' she asked me. I figured right away I'd just be better off saying why the heck not. Hell, she'd already taken away my ability to sleep with the lights off, right? And I knew that if I just ran off to the van, word would get around town that I was an asshole."
"To a lady very recently widowed."
"Thanks, Mike. But-"
"By suicide."
"Anyway, I heard the song starting up - it was midtempo, meaning I didn't have to fast dance, and I didn't have to slow dance and rub up all over her wrinkled-up groins either. I mumbled okay, so we hit the dance floor and I started counting down the seconds that I knew were left in the song. So we're bopping along, 'dancing', and then she says 'hey, you're a good dancer.' I mumbled something like 'thanks' and then BLAMMO!"
Everyone else in the room jumped slightly, while breathless.
"All of a sudden she yanks me up close, pulling me right up to her so our bodies are rubbing together -"
"Gross."
"- yep, and she says, while literally licking her old, wrinkled lips, 'what else are you good at?' P00000-INGGG! I nearly popped a hamstring getting out of there to Forest's van, yelling at everyone to get the fuck in the van and get me the fuck out of there."

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "is this somehow analogous to a scene from your beloved Beverly Hills, 90210 with your girlfriend Donna Martin?"

Sigh. Yes it is, faithful readers, YES it is: