Wednesday, July 24, 2024

An Open Letter to Lorne Michaels of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Dear Lorne,

First of all, from what I've picked up over hundreds of hours of cast member interviews you sound like an insufferable prick who was born an insufferable prick and has not let up off the gas in the last 50 years, including the promulgating of curiously needless forms of punishment and when you die I *have a feeling* there will be QUITE a cottage industry of tell-all books on the subject.

But on to my main point: as part of this upcoming season's historic 50th season, PLEASE RESTRAIN YOURSELF FROM THE WEEKLY POLITICAL COLD OPENING!!! Please! Please! I know it'll be tough for you, but how about ignoring this fucking political race, if only as a favor to everybody since we're gonna be fucking assaulted with the shit 24/7; how about doing actual comedy sketches instead of "Weekly Political Theater Mad Libs!" PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU.

And don't forget - I have been nice to you!!!!!

I remain,
XMASTIME

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