I Say It's Your Birthday So Goddammit It's Your Birthday

Just remembered someone's birthday without the help of social media and literally cocked my head back and said out loud, "still got it".

Insert eyeoll-at-myself emoji here.

One more reason to hate Facebook is that it's taken away the one thing I had over everybody else: remembering birthdays. This used to be the only discernible skill I had; nothing was more satisfying than when that look of "oh, shit!" would come across their face when I'd innocently ask "oh, how was so & so when you called to say happy birthday...yesterday?" knowing that I had, and they hadn't. I would do a jedi mind-trick"zing!" at them, smug in knowing that in the great contest of life I had inched slightly forward in the eyes of whomever birthday it had been. If I was really flying high I'd bring it up to the birthday person the next day "Hey, so what'd so & so say when they called?...WHAT (fake shock) they didn't CALL? REEEEally? On your BIRTHDAY??!?!!?" Oh I was so fucking good that if was feeling particularly on top of my game I would simultaneously fan the flames of outrage at the oversight as well as pretend to magnanimously cover for the person. "I can't believe they didn't call...tho surely, I'm certain they had a good reason...actually I think maybe they (present see-through, weak excuse here)..." Checkmate would be "oh, don't cover for them, Xmastmime! They're a shitty friend, unlike you...you expect the best in people too much." I'd weakly mumble something in faux "aw-shucks" mode while chuckling to myself.

I was a genius at this. The Best, they called me. And now it's all gone. Thanks to Facebook, with it's fucking Happy Birthday reminders. Fucking hell. I hate you, Facebook. Now I got nothing left. - XMASTIME