"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “hasn't she kept herself warm late at night all these years by knowing she was on your original Mrs. Xmastime List of 2006?"
Sigh. Yes she has been, faithful reader
DENISE RICH
(ex-wife of Mark Rich, dude pardoned by Clinton)
WEEKS ON THE CHARTS: 198
PROS: Another horse-face, and with over-tanned orange skin that gives her a slutty, fake look. Always seems to wear silky sexy clothes. RICH. Can hook me up with Bill Clinton. Has that “happy-dumb-fuck-bunny” look, so I might be able to fool her into hooking up with me.
CONS: Appears to live on another planet. Also she’s a “songwriter”, so I’ll be forced to sit there while she plays me her dreadful Lilith Fair-esque cuts. Ugh. Also, looks to be too dumb even for me. Would drive Theodore insane with her comments during "Entertainment Tonight"
ODDS: 20%. Might be the only girl on this list I’d hafta dump after a few weeks. “Denise! Shut up! You’re an idiot!! And your songs SUCK!!”
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