My Texts While Watching GLADIATOR II

Was not expecting. 1. So much Denzil 2. So much Denzil BEING Denzil.

I kept waiting to see Ethan Hawke across the table about to cry. I’m surprised he didn’t drop his "King Kong ain't got nothing on me!" line in Latin

Also way more sass than you’d think slaves would have with their masters but I love Dee from WHATS HAPPENING?? so I ate it up. 

I wouldn’t ask you motherfuckers to do pick up my mail without 9 confirmation emails and then this fucker’s like “hey doctor here’s a super vague message to bring to some army somewhere to we can start a war or not” and the doctor is like “got it”/cut to message fully received. 👍

“He likes sand.” “So does every toddler ever born on Earth.” “Therefore Rome is his now.” “Makes sense👍.”

Oh yeah and these two fucked each other:

And yet came out with:

Surely they had gladiators that faked it with each other right? “Oooh we both twisted our ankles!”
“Grrrr! SO furious!! Damn this ankle, your majesty - one week, you know imma be furious if I’m not back in the arena in a week! Two at the latest! Stupid ankle!”

10,000 slaves whose families were murdered and Denzil finds the one who (checks notes) has rage in him. Wow. Thank you Denzil the Gladiator Wizard.

Gladiator guy in movie: “I will not rest until I’ve roamed the earth so I can find my wife’s murderer and exact revenge, no matter if it takes until the end of time and my last breath in this life!” “Or how about if we bring you right to him while training you to be a great murderer?” “Even better.”

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "doesn't that create what would be a rather surprising link between the incredibly violence-for-violence's sake Gladiator II and the delightfully wholesome children's' cartoon, The Wonder Pets?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did: 

And as "wonder"-ful as these guys are, they seem to get lucky a lot. A typical scene is the one we just saw: they're in their wonder-mobile, flying over Greece to find an injured inchworm and help him. To whit:

"Wow, Greece is huge! How are we EVER gonna find the worm??!!"
"There it is!"
"Great!"