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Wednesday, December 04, 2024

The Ups & Downs of Fast Food Love & Hate

To celebrate the relaunch of their website, the people over at The Ringer are revisiting their disastrous Fast Food Bracket Tournament from 2017.

First of all, the less we say about the piece of shit list, the better.  😡😡😡😡

But I'd like to give The Ringer podcast guest living legend Joe House, who seemed to the be the only one on the room with any brains, thanks to his love for my beloved Bojangles:

House, in 2017:
You can’t have a list that purports to be the top 50 fast food items and have Subway’s cookies included on there and not have Bojangles on the list. I mean, that’s a crime. Let me tell you a little bit about Bojangles biscuits: made from scratch, baked fresh, every 20 minutes. They come out of the oven, the chicken hand breaded, never frozen—never frozen chicken at the Bojangles. And every football game you attend from Roanoke, Virginia, all the way down the entire Southeast portion of the United States of America, you’re going to find Bojangles.

As I was reading this I decided goddammit, this Joe House motherfucker should be president!

And then, as I was in a fever pitch of believing in the goodness of the human spirit,  he fucked up:

House, in 2017: The Egg McMuffin is a seminal fast food sandwich. It’s a gateway sandwich. It’s probably the first fast food I ever consumed in my life because in the 1970s, my parents, driving us to whatever event on the weekend, trying to, on the fly, get us a little bit of pre-hoops nutrition, would hit the McDonald’s on the way, and we would get not just a delicious Egg McMuffin, but also a hash brown.

Goddammit Joe House why you gotta let me down like this?!?!?!?!  😭

The Egg McMuffin is garbage, I truly don't understand the appeal; the English Muffin is always streamed and gross JUST GET THE GODDAM GREAT BISCUIT ALREADY, PEOPLE!! - XMASTIME

MY TOP 10 FROM THE SHITTY LIST, IN RANDOM ORDER:

  1. Glazed Doughnut Krispy Kreme
  2. Chicken Sandwich Chick-fil-A
  3. Roast Beef Sandwich Arby's
  4. Hash Browns McDonald's
  5. Big Mac McDonald's
  6. Original Chicken Sandwich Burger King
  7. Spicy Chicken Sandwich Wendy's
  8. Crunchy Shell Tacos Taco Bell
  9. Shack Burger Shake Shack
  10. McNuggets McDonald's
at

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