1. 7:30am: in my bathroom to take a shower
2. Turn on hot shower, realize I had to take a dump
3. Turns out I didn’t really have to, but when I flushed somehow the toilet got clogged
4. Unclogged toilet (all by myself ladies, hit me up on the socials!)
5. Brushed my teeth in a bathroom now overwhelmed with hot steam
6. Take shower
7. Get dressed for work, leaving now
8. Realize I really DO hafta take a dump
9. Go to take a dump in what is effectively still a sauna
10. Six hours later at work I still feel damp/soggy/gross 😡
11. On the Metro some shithead insisted on sitting next to me on an open train “because I’m so tall, I need to stretch my legs out I mean canon!” and then turned out to be shorter than me 😡
12. Really had to blow up the bowl at work but had to time things so the coast would be clear when I went into the stall
13. Immediately grossed myself out touching a piece of toilet paper on the lid
14. Sprang back out of stall to furiously wash my hands as the Brown Hornet pounds at my insides
15. Of course now some dude walks into the bathroom so I have to abandon all hope and try to make it 10 stories down to the building lobby 😡😡😡😡
Still not quite as bad as The Barber's BLACK THURSDAY back in the day of course, when after a comically absurd morning culminating in him shitting at an abandoned building site he finally shows up at my office where my boss had hired him to clear out a clogged pipe from her septic tank and of course he’s late and the boss goes crazy on him, yelling for what seemed like an eternity and all The poor Barber could think of is "whenever this bitch finally gets done screaming at me I have to go down to the basement & suck up her fat fucking turds and bloody fucking tampons" and yes whenever he’d tell this story he’d always add in the what I can only assume were the accurate “THOOMP! THOOMP!” sounds of turds & tampons getting sucked up into the Wet-Vac.🤣
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