DATE: Today
HEADLINE: Two Grand Canyon-size valleys on the far side of the moon formed within 10 minutes, scientists say
WHAT A NORMAL PERSON WOULD THINK UPON READING THE HEADLINE: "Oh shit, just now?!?!?! WE'RE FUUUUUUUUCKED!!"
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, ACCORDING TO THE VERY FIRST FUCKING LINE OF THE GODDAM ARTICLE AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE READING THE HEADLINE:
About 3.8 billion years ago, two massive canyons likely formed on the moon in a span of less than 10 minutes, according to new research.
AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! Not now, CNN, not now!
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