I Just Can't

There's a meme whizzing round now of people posting their grandfather's "AGENDA OF POSSIBLE CONVERSATION TOPICS" lists they've printed out before meeting up with their friends and of course they're all INCREDIBLY ADORABLE; just once I'd like to see one more like:

- I will kick a dog for $5
- Pussy
- What the hell happened to Stove Top?
- I don't miss the Army but I do miss showering with other men
- The Office (can be about work, the tv show, or the bathroom)
- Blacks...?
- What makes a great Arnold Palmer?
- LeBron/Stephen A.