Walking into my floor's elevator lobby I noticed a guy walking down the hallway in my direction, about 70 feet away, and before I could catch myself I looked enough in his direction to know that not only did he see me but I knew he saw me and worst of all, he knew that I knew that he saw me seeing him. His awkward half-distance away sent off my alarm bells in the “oh shit this person is at the exact worst distance for me to have to make a hold-the-door-or-don’t-hold-the-door decision” department but I chose not to fret; for all I knew the elevator was gonna fucking take foreve-OH SHIT ding ding here’s the fucking elevator.
No problem, I thought to myself (…thought to myself…as opposed to my thinking to an armadillo, I suppose…(mukluks – Billy
Crystal, 1985)), I'll just move as if I’m in slow-motion & look distracted enough so that I can have a much more natural holdin'-the-door-foryabuddy sitch going on an-OH SHIT of course there’s a guy already on the elevator so I can’t do any of my bullshit shenanigans so I popped into the elevator and the elevator doors closed and long story shoulda-been shorter, I’m pretty sure there’s some guy on my floor in my building waiting patiently in the elevator lobby to kill me & chop me into little bits & pieces.
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