Last week for the first time in my stupid life I decided to order a hooded sweatshirt; with the cold weather (FINALLY!) upon us & my wanting to keep pushing my 10k steps every day, it seemed like the best quickthrow on/off attire for such a thing. Since I've never ordered one before I assumed my size was "lummox", ordered accordingly, and waited.
By "waited" I mean "it came the next day", and I quickly found myself totally in love with my big brown blanket-with-a-hood best friend, even though it was what seemed to be exactly one size too big; I looked like every defensive line coach in the NFL before 1999 got together & had a baby.
"You know what," I declared to myself, and ONLY myself, "I'll order the next size down - if it's a better fit, I can use the bigger one as a back-up (that's right ladies I am now rich enough to have a back-up hooded sweatshirt, you’re welcome very much) or on those occasions when I wanna spend the weekend curled up in a big soft brown hug on the couch."
The smaller one showed up & I was right, it’s perfect. However, I found myself cracking up at myself, and ONLY myself!, the first time I went walking around my building (and when I walk around the building ladies & germs I walk AROUND THE BUILDING!) in the smaller, more form-fitting sweatshirt after having done all my walking earlier in the larger one, realizing that anybody who saw me twice that day woulda done a double-take “godDAM how big did this mfer get in 2 hours?????!!”
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