Wednesday, September 05, 2007
After being assaulted for weeks via posters/commercials etc for McDonald's new Angus Burger, I decided last week to step in and check it out. I couldn't remember the last time McDonald's had made such a big deal about a burger, and the way they went on and on about it being "real angus beef!!" I figured fuck it. So I go in and order one...for four fucking dollars. Not the meal, the sandwich. I shake it off and tell myself it's for research. So it comes and I hunker down. After all their blathering about it being a third of a pound and "juicy, real angus beef!!" I'm expecting something big and bursting with juice. A year ago on this blog I would've followed that sentence with something like "you know, like my dick at a Becky Connor convention", but obviously I've grown up over time. You know, like my dick hidden in Hillary Duff's bathroom closet. So I pop open the box - you know, like my dick at a junior prom - and I see that for all the hullabaloo, I'm basically looking at a double cheeseburger. For...$4. Hmm. Well, I figure the meat must be something incredible and dig in. No. Terrible. Again, it's like they pasted two cheeseburgers together, called it "real, Angus beef!!" and served it to us....for $4. Seriously, it was fucking terrible. I actually put the tomato back on to get some fucking moisture! Unreal.
But the kicker, my main fucking rant, is that I just saw that documentary about the McDonald's corporation on CNBC and they made a huge fucking deal about how laborious and thorough Mickey D's is when coming up with a new menu item. They couldn't stop patting themselves on the back for testing out 1800 new items a year, of which MAYBE one gets through to the menu. Tested over and over all over the country for 2 or 3 years, they remind us. Are you kidding me? 1800 new items, and the one that makes the grade is ... a big cheeseburger? Really? What are the other 1799 losers - the McShitcicle? Daddy's McDick on a Sesame Seed bun? This is the best these McWizards can come up with? and who are these fucking idiot test subjects who are excited enough that this thing gets pushed to the front? If I know I'm part of the decision as a test subject, wouldn't I kinda be unimpressed? Who are these people? "Wow...a bigger cheeseburger...you McDid it!!!!"
what a fucking joke.
at 12:56 PM