Can we all just agree to give the fuck up and concede defeat to Rachel Ray? Seriously - after nuclear attack the only things to survive would be cockroaches, Rachel Ray and "CSI: Bomb Shelter", no? There's a whole cottage industry devoted to hating her, be it all the websites dedicated to hating her or Sistatime calling up every evening at 6:05pm to scream at me about how much Ray's chirpiness is driving her insane. Yeah, her peppyness can be grating, but let's face it - there's worse things for a person to be than over-happy. And she's laughing all the way to the bank. And here's a secret, ladies: as much as she looks like a drawfin Peanuts character who could lose a few pounds, odds are she's hotter than you (FHM spread excepted, which I'll never forgive her for.) So you don't even have that over her. Everyone loves to bitch about her, but I find it hard to believe I'm the only person in the world who can stand her - nay, likes her. A lot.
BUT.
This fucking loser husband of hers. Enough. For fuck's sake, every time he gets mentioned they have to throw in that he's a "musician." As in "...and Rachel's husband, lawyer/musician __________" (that's right, I refuse to say his name.) You can picture him popping over her shoulder, making sure they mention his pretend-band. Dude. #1, you will always be known as Rachel Ray's husband. Period. #2, you're a fucking lawyer. You're not some scrappy kid trying to get gas money for his van, you're a 45 year-old LAWYER for fuck's sake. You have a real job, a career. Quit trying to push your band on us everytime the name of Rachel Ray's personal sperm donor has to come up. I'm sure there's a fucking Senator who can do balloon animals at parties, does he insist on being announced as "Senator/balloon puppeteer"? Fuuuuuuuuck!
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