Theodore's Lost Reel

NAME: Theodore ("If you call me 'Theo' I will do some dancing on your face")
OCCUPATION: Ultra-conservative right-wing stuffed bear
LIKES: Tucker Carlson, George W. Bush, tax cuts, explaining to left-wing faggot dimwits why gays shouldn't marry
DISLIKES: left-wing faggot dimwits, taxes, Al Franken, basketball
QUOTE: "For the last time - I'm not racist. I'm just pro-white, goddammit."

Some of you Xmas fans from the beginning may remember Theodore, the ultra-conservative right-wing stuffed bear. We haven't heard from him in quite a while; but now something from his past has created quite a stir over at The Smoking Gun. For years now some of us close to Theodore have had to hear him rant and rage against the New York Yankees for not hiring him to be a broadcaster, despite an "amazing" audition tape he sent in years and years ago. The legend of this tape had grown over the years; by now we had been led to believe (by, of course, Theodore himself) that this tape was the single greatest recorded moment ever, it was Cosell times Michaels, and the only reason the Yankees didn't hire him was that they were intimidated by 1) such amazing work 2) such amazing work having been done by, of all things, an ultra-conservative right-wing stuffed bear.

Of course, nobody else had actually seen this tape...until now. Found in an attic in Larchmont, CT, it has been passed around online now and, much to Theodore's embarrassment, it's beyond obvious why he wasn't hired:

He was terrible.

Enjoy. But hey, Theodore, welcome back!! (old Theodore memory HERE.)