Vacation...OVER!!!

As you may have noticed, my 2008 Presidential campaign never really got off the ground. If you wanna blame the Asians that's on you to do so, not me (although obviously you'd be correct.) I feel like my late start was a major hindrance, so I wanted to let you guys know that not only have I already kicked off my XMASTIME IN 2012 campaign, but I have chosen my closest staff and advisers, so it's even more transparent to you how I plan on governing.

CHIEF OF STAFF
Marley

The fact that he is a die-hard Republican will erase any accusations of partisanship. He will be my attack dog, my "bad cop", the "Turk" you don't want coming to see you on final cut day of training camp. Of course most of his attacking will be at me, which, while tuff for me, will be best for the country. In other words: anything I do actually get by him will certainly be AMAZING.

COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR
Op

His succintness will pare my speeches down to mere minutes, leaving the rest of my allocated time for "riffing." Will keep me on message, talk me down with calm rationale when needed, and assure that another generation of political scientists know the phrase "greasy slice." Good at pretending he's never heard my "shark material" 100 times before, which will come in handy with visiting diplomats.

PRESS SECRETARY
The Gnat

A lawyer, so he knows how to talk for long stretches about nothing, which will come in handy during those days that I'm "locked in" on BH 90210 marathons upstairs in the residence. Smart, funny, will have a nice repartee with the reporters. Like Marley a Republican, so when things go tits up I can act appalled "The Gnat said WHAT? I never said that!!!!" Can confirm my blocked extra point at Lancaster, important for a President's cred.

National Security Advisor
Nerdhappy

Bright, cheery guy with a belied seriousness/toughness, was an All-State football player (lacrosse too, but I'm not going to hold that against him - told you, bi-partisan!!.) Bit of a stereophile, which will come handy when I decide to turn my old '78 Ford Fiesta into a woofer. Also, the only person I know of that has ever visited this blog that could (well, MAYbe) wrestle me to the ground.

Personal Aide to the President
Fashion Herald

Hey, just cause I'll be President doesn't mean I'm gonna wanna be giving up my Foot Locker connection. I'm the Commander in Chief, not dead. Also very gullible; will spend most of my first term trying to convince her the Oval Office is always spinning very slowly. NOTE: will not be allowed to wear heels. Unless, of course, something horrible happens and she's in a wheelchair, but I would think that goes without saying.

White House Media Consultant:
GodIHateYourBand

The endless use of his moniker with other countries (GodIHateYourFrenchness, GodIHateYourLazyMexicansSmell) is too good to pass up. I don't know what his duties will be, but he has an "in" at InTouch, so we'll be able to ratchet up my approval ratings among the 11 to 11 & 1/2 year-old girl demographic (aka "The Jonas Pie.")

I have not decided on my running mate, am open to suggestions. Dare I choose THIS GUY? Do I have the guts?

XMASTIME IN 2012!!!!!!!!!