Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Jesus Christ: Sexy!


Last night I was riffing with Drunken Dater re: why is it not enough that we hold Jesus up as being the Son of God and Ruler of the Universe, but on every crucifix you see he's fucking ripped with fucking abs of steel? I mean, we don't feel inferior enough, now we gotta worship him using some fucking thing that is basically an advertisement "Heeeeey, look at how much of a  rockin' bod Jesus had!!!!", along with oh GEE, whaddya know, he's only got a small loincloth to "cover things up." Grrr. Why not include a humongous bulge in the crotch, or a wallet stuffed with fifties?

All this reminded me of something I posted a while ago, that apparently Jesus in actuality LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING FREAK. Is the crucifix the single greatest example of re-branding? This dude's had the greatest PR team of all time, n'est-pas?

8 comments:

Kiko Jones said...

Um, he's supposed to be emaciated, not ripped.

Gina said...

You're right. Ironically never a 'Mel Gibson' Jesus hanging in a Catholic Church. Though we know he was a carpenter by trade, nothing about what type of work he was doing prior to the 3 year ministry. Except for the fact that he was able to carry the cross, or part of it (falling a few times before getting some help), nothing to indicate the quality of his musculature. In fact we really never see Jesus as depicted in the bible after the horrible scourging and other abuses he suffered. It was more like he was 'ripped' open, in fact, they say he didn't even resemble a man when they got through with him. Still he bore the cross and carried the sin of man, managing to fulfill all of the biblical prophecies required of the Messiah. I don't think they gave him the dignity of a loin cloth. Brutal.

Cookieface said...

I Shouldn't Have Had That Last Shot of Jameson Jesus

Xmastime said...

Towel Off the Fucking Bench When Youre Done, Youre Not the Only One in the Gym Asshole Jesus

Cookieface said...

Seriously, if you Insist on Peeing on the Toilet Seat, Please Wipe it up Afterwards for the Next User Jesus

Xmastime said...

Coffee is for Closers Jesus

Cookieface said...

Baby on Board Jesus

Xmastime said...

Let Me Check If There's Enough Room in the Crotch of Those Dungarees Jesus