Very cool. Nobody’s ever been or will be cooler than Joe Strummer.
Legend – Bob Marley & The Wailers
Cool…if you’re 20 minutes into your freshman year of college. Otherwise, someone needs to send this to the big overrated, overplayed, rite-of-passage album bin in the sky along with The Steve Miller Band's Greatest Hits.
The Dark Side of the Moon – Pink Floyd
It’s tough to imagine a forty year-old thinking less of an incredibly popular band for the ages than he does for teen pop sensation Hannah Montana. And yet here we are.
OK Computer / Kid A – Radiohead
Is this a single album? Or a rarely-seen-in-nature double turd? Fucking hell. Unsubscribe. Coldplay for Coldplay fans who brag to people they don't own a tv, I guess. No thanks.
Licensed to Ill – Beastie Boys
I know not liking the Beastie Boys makes me unhip, uncool, and that I “just don’t get it.” But I’ll sleep well knowing that my not liking white rap any more than I do…well, rap, means I’m the single least racist person in the history of the world (tho I do like the intro riff to Sabotage.)
American Recordings – Johnny Cash
Maybe it’s cool. I’ll never know. But I “have my doubts” that the coolest Johnny Cash album came out 1) in 1994 2) with a song written by someone in Danzig on it.
The Black Album – Metallica
Are you fucking shitting me? To quote:
Metallica's "Some Kind of Monster." Should be required viewing for 1) people who don't like metal and love to laugh at these fucking idiots ("Lars, what rhymes with 'I'm a gazillionaire middle-aged dumbfuck trying to write scary, cliched metal lyrics like I'm still 14 years old'?") and 2) young kids who look like they're starting to get into Metallica. Make them watch this, then be like "...so...you SURE you wanna like this band?....good, didn't think so. Hand me my pants."Live at Wembley ‘86 – Queen
I’m giving this the benefit of the doubt since although I have no idea what songs are on this recording and don’t care, I’ve rarely heard a Queen song I hated. Also, for some reason I don’t hate Brian May’s wanking, which is rare for me (liking extended guitar leads, not wanking.) Way to go, guys.
Stankonia – Outkast
Don’t know, don’t care, but Andre 3000 was awesome in Be Cool. Props for the use of "stank" (IF used correctly!)
Rocket to Russia – Ramones
ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY (although I still put it just behind Leave Home)
Ready to Die -The Notorious B.I.G.
Never heard. To be honest, I’d never heard about Biggie while he was alive. In my defense, the same can be said for me when it comes to Jesus, JFK or George Washington, and they were pretty cool too, so.
Blood Sugar Sex Magik – Red Hot Chili Peppers
This shit is so uncool it’s hard to put into words so I won’t, except to say these fuckers are directly responsible for more bands somehow even shittier than themselves (Limp Bizkit, anyone?) they should be fired from the job of breathing.
Unplugged in New York – Nirvana
This is okay cool in that it’s the only Nirvana album I’ve ever liked. Then again, not cool for giving the world Dave Grohl and a seemingly endless stream of mid-temp lukewarm shitty duller-than-shit “rocking!” albums whose sole purpose seems to be making people guess which song is about Kurt Cobain, to which Dave plays along by swearing no song does, even the one titled "Wasn't Curt Kobain Awesome, He's My Mentor and Best Friend, I'm Sad Cause He's Dead!" For fuck's sake already.
The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan – Bob Dylan
VERY cool. Cool album, cool photo. Cool everything.
IV – Led Zeppelin
I’m not a Zep guy, though Jimmy Page blatantly ripping off old black dudes and banging 13 year-old girls is pretty cool, I guess. Bonus ups for being mentioned in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, therein forever associated with this (you're wecome, Earth.)
Discovery – Daft Punk
No idea. Logo looking like the Tin Woodmen just jizzed is pretty cool, though.
Of course anything Beatles is supercool, but why the fuck did they pick my least favorite fucking Beatles album?!?!!?
The Downward Spiral – Nine Inch Nails
Oh good, some noisecore distilled though more noise, mixed in with some tuneless anti-melodic noisecore and fueled lyrically by the teenage angst of a 30 year-old man. I don’t think so.
The Queen is Dead – The Smiths
I think I’d like the Smiths more if I first heard them today and not decades ago. Unfortunately, I didn’t, so fuck this shit.
Is This It – The Strokes
This album by the Strokes really IS the very definition of “cool.” Unfortunately, it’s not very “good.” Sorry, but just because a coupla rich heirs to the throne made an album that was better than whatever Blink 182 album came out that year doesn’t exactly make it Sgt. Pepper.
Appetite For Destruction – Guns N’ Roses
Mind blown.
Let’s step back and reign in this G n R worship we’re all supposed to have. It was a fine record, but completely overrated throughout the years. Yes, it looks better when stacked up against its genre contemporaries Poison and Skid Row. Wow. Not exactly The Beatles and Beach Boys trying to top each other, is it?Under a Blood Red Sky – U2
I’m surprised this is on this hipper than me list, but I will say this album was “cool” not just in and of itself, but it was the first U2 album we heard as young bucks, which lead us to War and then The Unforgettable Fire, as well as REM even. Some of these live versions are still the definitive versions of songs on this album. So that’s pretty fucking cool, actually.
Oracular Spectacular – MGMT
I’ll let The Short Bus handle this one.
"MGMT? Really? Come here, you fucking pussy."
Elephant – The White Stripes
Never listened to it, tho I guess this was before Jack White was in every band on Earth. Or, of course, before they pretended to fucking retire. None of this is what I’d call “cool.”
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars – David Bowie
Blue Jean is my Bowie slice, so fuck this hippy shit.
Run-DMC – Run-DMC
As we’ve already established I’ve never been into rap, but I will say I enjoyed Run’s reality show for a stretch. Wait, is this the one with You Be Illin on it? I seem to remember coming up with a riff of that in Latin class, like…fuck, I can’t recall, even though for some reason I fucking ruled in Latin class back in the day (as opposed to the night, when I’d divide all ladies into three parts heh heh heh)
The Chronic – Dr. Dre
Don’t like rap and don’t smoke dope, but thanks for giving us Snoop, who should have a three-minute cameo in every movie made from now on.
Back in Black – AC/DC
VERY cool. Nobody my age didn’t wear this fucker out in high school. Purists will hold their nose up at Brian Johnson but fuck them, they’re queers. The only person that has any chance of ever running into anyone who’s never blown this fucker up is the Mars Rover.
Up Your Alley – Joan Jett
I dunno. Maybe cool. A Joan Jett greatest hits collection is pretty cool until you realize that you wrote the same number of songs on it that she did. Though I do inexplicably like me some now-single Kristin Stewart….call me, baby – I put the “twi” in Twilight! Wait, what…now she thinks I’m Chinese! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Straight Outta Compton – N.W.A.
No idea. Though Brothatime!! Liked blowing this up after his freshman year of college.
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