Monday, December 23, 2024

15 Years Ago Today on Xmastime

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Soaps

The thing I don't understand about soap operas is that all of a sudden, after decades and decades of being on every day, they're dropping like flies because of "costs." Which, from what I can ascertain, includes a video camera from 1988 and the interior of a Foot Locker with wood paneling. Fuck it, why don't they just start the goddam thing over again, let 'em run from, say, June 30 1952 (first viewing of Guiding Light) and run again each day as if in real time? Hell, woudn't people get a kick out of the fads and fashions anyways?

When Even the Christmas Decorations Want You to Know How Much They Hate You

In America.

We also have a "refuse to be governed by people we deem to be smarter than ourselves" thing going on which is really great too, so.

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

Say hello to next year's big Hallmark Channel Christmas movie, everybody.

First They Stole Our Packages, and Then Our Hearts!

Gothamist really wants us to be concerned with 74,000 Amazon packages in NYC being stolen since 2019 which is kinda ridiculous since there's really no number between "none of them" and "all of them" I really woulda batted an eye at but the real reason I'm writing this is the Amazon supersleuths over at Gothamist need to try & crack this cold case. Grrrrrr.

Broken Clock Scenario

RFK Jr is a psychopath creep who doesn't belong anywhere near the levers of power but of course Trump is even 1000x more of a psychopath so w'ere pretty fucked but Kennedy is 100% right about the fact that fucking pharma ads should be banned. Of course we know this isn't gonna happen because everybody makes way too much money:

The push against TV drug ads threatens to dent the revenues of pharmaceutical companies, which can make back in sales five times as much as they spend on commercials, according to some analysts. It could also create uncertainty for major television networks, which bring in substantial revenue from pharmaceutical advertisers trying to reach older viewers, who tend to take more medications.

And of course this is bullshit since....aren't hard liquor & smoking ads banned? We can do that but not the same for pharma?

I'm guessing one of the myriad reasons for this is that unlike the others, the very premise of seeing a doctor has been flipped to the point that doctors really ARE our drug dealers since now we've been trained to specifically ASK them for a medication we saw in a tv ad. Which is fucked up for many reasons, the most recent of which is now RFK Jr. starts sounding like the reasonable voice in the room, which is terrifying.

Sunday, December 22, 2024

No Big Whoop

My train at Union Station got delayed so I decided to take a bus down to Richmond; standing there forever in my area was a young family and at some point the dad just walked across the parking lot, pulling his suitcase behind him while his kid yelled "daddy" over & over; 20 minutes later the bus pulled up and we all got on, and from what I can tell the father never returned. Didn't hear a peep on the bus for two hours ten minutes.

Xmastime Worlds Colliding

Just a coulpa weeks ago I mentioned how much I loved this guy Danny Lewis' art, and for years now I've been a big fan of the guy inserting Paddington Bear into movie/tv scenes, so you can imagine how thrilled I was just now to see a Danny Lewis painting...with Paddington Bear???

I have no idea if this was intentional, if he knows about the Paddington Guy, but they do work perfectly together so 🤔🤷‍♂️?

Questions. I Have Them.

Hey since we're all fucked can we at least get Elon Musk to pay Ken burns $1 billion to make a 10-part documentary on the Christmas Wars? 🤔🤷‍♂️

RIP Rickey Henderson

He's kind of become a modern-day Yogi Berra in that the (pretty incredible, if I'm being honest) stuff he said may have started to overshadow the fact that he wasn't just a great player but an all-time great player. 😢

Meanwhile, some dude we all need to thank put together a Twitter thread of some of Rickey Henderson’s craziest stats; since I pretend to care about you people, I will now choose my favorite 3:

STATE DU MOI: Keeping Hope Alive


 

People are Weird

This is a very nice story, and one you're glad people are sharing since everybody seems to agree that everybody absolute loved Slim, and I don't wanna be a dick during such a sincere moment, but am I an asshole for wondering well...NObody took a photo of Slim when he showed up? Or they did, and this person still thought what we really wanted to see was a photo of folks without Slim?

This'd be like if when I met Springsteen me & Dave & Op & Ed took a picture of ourselves without in it....? 🤷‍♂️

Saturday, December 21, 2024

Insta du Jour

Manhattan Snow Storm
1947

My 2024 Spotify Wrapped!

According to Spotify, the song I listened to the most this year was a demo that The Beatles didn't even bother actually recording to be released. Though I was worked up about it a few months ago, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

ENJOY, and YOU'RE WELCOME EVERYBODY! 🕺

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

If there's a Sitcom Character Hall of Fame and Mr. Haney isn't in it then you need to burn that building down and start over because you're doing it 100% exactly wrong, idiots.

My Thoughts are "Fuck This Asshole" Well Okay I Guess It's Just the One Then

False Advertising.

These things are room temperature at best. 😡

YYYYAAAASSSSSSSSS THE NEW YORKER!!! 🤗🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Sometimes I think that as a people we take for granted just how incredible the phrase "roll over Beethoven" itself is.

Random Great Xmastime Line du Jour

Why’d the Knicks give up 4 points on a single play, you ask? Because they couldn’t give up 5. - November 9, 2011

XMASTIME CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

CHOOSE ONE:

A. The saying shouldn't be something like "money can't buy me happiness", it should be something like "money can't buy me happiness but if there's a chance I'm gonna be miserable anyway then I'd rather be miserable while I'm rich than miserable while I'm poor".

B. They say money can't make you happy but I say while I'm waiting to be happy I'd rather be rich than poor.

State du Moi

At the Wegmans Customer Service Department this morning there was a very haggard-looking young couple with two babies in the largest stroller I've ever seen screaming & crying their heads off; as I walked by I said "oh is this where you can return them?" and if you think this had the light-hearted tension-breaking effect I thought it would in the moment then I am here to tell you that you would in fact be quite wrong.

Friday, December 20, 2024

On Slim Dunlap

Bob Mehr, author of the now-legendary Trouble Boys, on Slim Dunlap:
Herman Melville once said something that applies perfectly to Slim: “Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results.” Because of the stroke he suffered in 2012, we saw the results of a lifetime of Slim’s selfless actions. The way people rallied around him, the way that he brought the Replacements back to life (again), the way his family devoted themselves to him. It was simply beautiful. An inspiration. We were lucky to have known such a man.

Mind Blown du Jour

Incredible breakdown of the Keith Smart by Bobby Knight. 🤯🤯🤯🤯

HOT TAKES ON CHRISTMAS

Both Trading Places and Catch Me If You Can are more "Christmas" movies than Die Hard.