Thursday, March 06, 2025
Strange Things Happen
Over 20 years ago I was hanging out with this girl at a bar on the Southside a few blocks below 100 Metro; we'd walked all the way from some bar at Graham & Metropolitan to some bar at like Berry & South 3rd & after a coupla hours were ready to leave when she realized she'd lost her wallet, so at about 3 in the morning we found ourselves re-tracing our steps back to Graham & Metropolitan, staring at the ground the entire 30-ish minutes. Of course I assumed there was no chance we'd find it, of course I was only going along for my own romantic interests, but I dutifully walked along, head down pretending to furiously scour the ground while planning out what my opening moves back at 100 Metro would be when we'd eventually retire for that night like Bill Walsh planning out his first 15 plays before 49ers game.
And then suddenly she yelled, I turned to see her and she was picking her wallet up off the sidewalk, half a block down from the Graham Avenue L stop. We'd found it. I couldn't believe it.
All these years later, rarely do too many months go by without this scene flashing in my head...I mean, how the fuck did a wallet lay on a Brooklyn sidewalk untouched for like about four hours so we could find it so late in the dark?
And then suddenly she yelled, I turned to see her and she was picking her wallet up off the sidewalk, half a block down from the Graham Avenue L stop. We'd found it. I couldn't believe it.
All these years later, rarely do too many months go by without this scene flashing in my head...I mean, how the fuck did a wallet lay on a Brooklyn sidewalk untouched for like about four hours so we could find it so late in the dark?
Wednesday, March 05, 2025
Questions. I Have Them.
Colonel Sanders famously talked so much shit about Kentucky Fried Chicken after he'd sold it that they sued him.
Peter Benchley renounced the killing of sharks his classic novel inspired.
So why can't Jesus come back and shit on these Republican motherfuckers who claim to know what being a "Christian" is? 🤔🤷♂️
Peter Benchley renounced the killing of sharks his classic novel inspired.
So why can't Jesus come back and shit on these Republican motherfuckers who claim to know what being a "Christian" is? 🤔🤷♂️
Dance to the Music
Last week here I marveled at how hard bands like Sly and the Family Stone worked their asses off; I’d forgotten early in the new Sly Lives! doc (WHICH IS FANTASTIC!!!) when Sly was asked about the impact the church had on him as a kid:
Host: You were coming up in the church there?
Sly: Yeah, I played guitar, and bass, and drums in church six, seven times a week. Monday night, we had union meeting. Tuesday night, we had choir rehearsal. Wednesday night, we had usher board meeting. Thursday night, there was prayer and Bible band. Friday night, there was regular worship service. Saturday night, there was an inspirational service with different choirs from around the cities. And Sunday, three times a day and sometimes five times on Sunday.
Mark: He's in the Black sanctified church. It was a learning lab for him to learn how to run a band, how to run a choir, how to integrate harmony with melody and rhythm.
😮🤯😮🤯😮🤯😮🤯😮🤯😮🤯
I mean good lord I hated every minute I was in a church when I was growing up and that was barely 30 minutes a week; no wonder this guy grew up to be a musical genius.
Dead Air
I never knew this about Thomas Edison:
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "isn't Tamsin Greig, the guest star in that episode, one of your all-time BBC ladies???"
Sigh. Yes she is, faithful readers, YES she is! 🤗🕺❤️
Edison's last breath is reportedly contained in a test tube at The Henry Ford museum near Detroit. Ford reportedly convinced Charles Edison to seal a test tube of air in the inventor's room shortly after his death, as a memento.
That was actually the plot to my second-favorite episode of the British comedy anthology series Inside No. 9, titled Last Gasp, so of course I was wondering if Edison was the inspiration for this but it appears
to not be the case:
I mean they didn't hafta say it to me like that, but okay.The story was inspired by someone Pemberton had seen on Swap Shop who collected air from different places.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "isn't Tamsin Greig, the guest star in that episode, one of your all-time BBC ladies???"
Sigh. Yes she is, faithful reader
A Thought on Last Night's Speech
Fuck the Supreme Court
And especially John Roberts, a particular brand of piece of shit for whim I will punish by not even putting an excerpt from this article pointing out exactly WHY he's such a piece of shit.
That'll show him.
That'll show him.
Scooter Calling
The folks over at The Atlantic are recognizing a third wave in dog domestication over the last 40 years and the key may just be service dogs:
Many owners hope that simply choosing the right type of canine—a hypoallergenic breed, a smart breed, a breed that is supposedly good with children—will solve the mismatch between modern expectations and the evolved nature of dogs. But on the whole, the main thing a dog’s breed will tell you, with any reliability, is what it looks like.
Service dogs are the exception and the answer to the domestication puzzle. For more than a century, service dogs have had to sit quietly in a café, calmly negotiate the stress and noise of urban life, and interact gently with children. They can do this not because they are smarter than pet dogs, but because, like those early proto-dogs, service dogs are uniquely friendly. Unlike most pet dogs, service dogs are attracted to strangers, even as puppies. And increasing friendliness seems to have changed these dogs’ biology, just as it did thousands of years ago. A 2017 study found that Canine Companion dogs have a higher level of oxytocin—the hormone that facilitates social bonding—than pet dogs.
If dog lovers shift their demand from a dog’s hair color and tail length to their comfort with strangers and new places, this friendliness could quickly ripple through the population and become amplified with each successive generation.MY BOLD - wait, hold up, hold the phone, gimme a goddam second here - there's a kind of dog that's MORE friendly than the average dog, which from what I can tell is already off-the-charts friendly??? YAAAAAAAS please!!! 🤗🐶
"Is this friendly enough?"
Tuesday, March 04, 2025
19 Years Later...
...I gotta say I feel like this is still the best idea I've heard so far on handling Trump.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Things are Good, Part X
6) If I was on the ‘Apprentice’, let’s face of it, the odds of actually winning are fairly slim. BUT when you get fired, instead of genuflecting “Thank you King Trump, thank you!” and slinking off, I’ve always thought you should flip out, cause a scene: “WHAT? YOU’RE firing me? Fuck that I’M firing YOU, fucking loser!!!” and try to flip that big stupid table over; you know there’s a million other rich dipshits around that hate Trump & when they see the clip of you telling T-rump to go fuck himself they’ll hire you for $200,000/year just to hang out, smoke cigars and tell everyone how you told Trump to go fuck himself.
Everybody's a Fucking Critic
Here's what AI has to say (within 500 words!) about my 2nd non-bestselling novel, THE WEDDING PARTIES:
"THE WEDDING PARTIES" by Gregory R. Wilson is a comedic novel that delves into the chaos and hilarity of a small-town wedding. Set in the fictional town of Hamilton-ffrench, the story revolves around the highly anticipated nuptials of Ella Boyce and Rick Taylor. The Boyce family, being the local aristocracy with roots tracing back to the Mayflower, adds a layer of prestige and expectation to the event.
Plot Overview: The novel begins with the entire town buzzing with excitement over the upcoming wedding, which is seen as the social event of the year. However, as the big day approaches, things start to go hilariously wrong. From mishaps with the wedding preparations to unexpected guest antics, the wedding quickly spirals into a series of comedic disasters. The narrative is a blend of farce and satire, capturing the absurdity of social expectations and the unpredictability of life.
Character Development: The characters in "THE WEDDING PARTIES" are vividly drawn, each contributing to the comedic tapestry of the story. Ella Boyce, the bride, is portrayed as a woman caught between her family's expectations and her own desires. Rick Taylor, the groom, is a more laid-back character who often finds himself bewildered by the chaos around him. The supporting cast includes a range of quirky townsfolk, each adding their own flavor to the unfolding drama.
Themes: One of the central themes of the novel is the clash between tradition and modernity. The Boyce family's old-money status and their adherence to traditional values are juxtaposed against the more contemporary attitudes of other characters. This theme is explored through the various wedding mishaps, highlighting the absurdity of rigid social norms. Another prominent theme is the idea of community. Despite the chaos, the townspeople come together in unexpected ways, showcasing the strength and resilience of small-town bonds.
Setting: Hamilton-ffrench, with its quaint charm and eccentric residents, serves as the perfect backdrop for the story. The town's detailed description adds depth to the narrative, making the reader feel immersed in its unique atmosphere. The setting also plays a crucial role in the plot, with the town's history and social dynamics influencing the events of the wedding.
Writing Style: Wilson's writing is characterized by its wit and humor. He has a knack for creating laugh-out-loud moments while also weaving in poignant observations about human nature and societal expectations. The dialogue is sharp and often hilarious, capturing the essence of each character's personality. The pacing of the novel is brisk, keeping the reader engaged from start to finish.
Conclusion: "THE WEDDING PARTIES" is a delightful read that combines humor, heart, and a touch of satire. Gregory R. Wilson masterfully captures the chaos and charm of a small-town wedding, creating a story that is both entertaining and thought-provoking. Whether you're a fan of comedy or simply looking for a lighthearted escape, this novel offers a perfect blend of laughter and insight.
Plot Overview: The novel begins with the entire town buzzing with excitement over the upcoming wedding, which is seen as the social event of the year. However, as the big day approaches, things start to go hilariously wrong. From mishaps with the wedding preparations to unexpected guest antics, the wedding quickly spirals into a series of comedic disasters. The narrative is a blend of farce and satire, capturing the absurdity of social expectations and the unpredictability of life.
Character Development: The characters in "THE WEDDING PARTIES" are vividly drawn, each contributing to the comedic tapestry of the story. Ella Boyce, the bride, is portrayed as a woman caught between her family's expectations and her own desires. Rick Taylor, the groom, is a more laid-back character who often finds himself bewildered by the chaos around him. The supporting cast includes a range of quirky townsfolk, each adding their own flavor to the unfolding drama.
Themes: One of the central themes of the novel is the clash between tradition and modernity. The Boyce family's old-money status and their adherence to traditional values are juxtaposed against the more contemporary attitudes of other characters. This theme is explored through the various wedding mishaps, highlighting the absurdity of rigid social norms. Another prominent theme is the idea of community. Despite the chaos, the townspeople come together in unexpected ways, showcasing the strength and resilience of small-town bonds.
Setting: Hamilton-ffrench, with its quaint charm and eccentric residents, serves as the perfect backdrop for the story. The town's detailed description adds depth to the narrative, making the reader feel immersed in its unique atmosphere. The setting also plays a crucial role in the plot, with the town's history and social dynamics influencing the events of the wedding.
Writing Style: Wilson's writing is characterized by its wit and humor. He has a knack for creating laugh-out-loud moments while also weaving in poignant observations about human nature and societal expectations. The dialogue is sharp and often hilarious, capturing the essence of each character's personality. The pacing of the novel is brisk, keeping the reader engaged from start to finish.
Conclusion: "THE WEDDING PARTIES" is a delightful read that combines humor, heart, and a touch of satire. Gregory R. Wilson masterfully captures the chaos and charm of a small-town wedding, creating a story that is both entertaining and thought-provoking. Whether you're a fan of comedy or simply looking for a lighthearted escape, this novel offers a perfect blend of laughter and insight.
Rhythmic Literary Connections
"They were 'Black Protestants', all of them, in virtue of their descent from a godly soldier of Cromwell, and all were prepared at any moment of the day or night to sell a horse." - The Irish R.M.
"She disliked wine, abhorred tobacco, and was always on the verge of becoming a vegetarian." - The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell
"She disliked wine, abhorred tobacco, and was always on the verge of becoming a vegetarian." - The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell
The OG!
Life. It's Really Happening, Isn't It?
Walking into my floor's elevator lobby I noticed a guy walking down the hallway in my direction, about 70 feet away, and before I could catch myself I looked enough in his direction to know that not only did he see me but I knew he saw me and worst of all, he knew that I knew that he saw me seeing him. His awkward half-distance away sent off my alarm bells in the “oh shit this person is at the exact worst distance for me to have to make a hold-the-door-or-don’t-hold-the-door decision” department but I chose not to fret; for all I knew the elevator was gonna fucking take foreve-OH SHIT ding ding here’s the fucking elevator.
No problem, I thought to myself (…thought to myself…as opposed to my thinking to an armadillo, I suppose…(mukluks – Billy Crystal, 1985)), I'll just move as if I’m in slow-motion & look distracted enough so that I can have a much more natural holdin'-the-door-foryabuddy sitch going on an-OH SHIT of course there’s a guy already on the elevator so I can’t do any of my bullshit shenanigans so I popped into the elevator and the elevator doors closed and long story shoulda-been shorter, I’m pretty sure there’s some guy on my floor in my building waiting patiently in the elevator lobby to kill me & chop me into little bits & pieces.
No problem, I thought to myself (…thought to myself…as opposed to my thinking to an armadillo, I suppose…(mukluks – Billy Crystal, 1985)), I'll just move as if I’m in slow-motion & look distracted enough so that I can have a much more natural holdin'-the-door-foryabuddy sitch going on an-OH SHIT of course there’s a guy already on the elevator so I can’t do any of my bullshit shenanigans so I popped into the elevator and the elevator doors closed and long story shoulda-been shorter, I’m pretty sure there’s some guy on my floor in my building waiting patiently in the elevator lobby to kill me & chop me into little bits & pieces.
Where Sunlight Streams
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