Theodore + Ann. Sigh.

Man. This internet thing is a blast Was, uhm, "massaging myself" over at Ann Coulter's website while ordering from Fresh Direct. I love this country!

Speaking of AC - Ann, if you're reading this, please call me. I've left you 165 messages in the last week; I'm really starting to worry that something happened. I don't wanna spend my weekend calling hospitals to make sure your freakishly thin, long legged, bordering-on-the-insane right wing FINE self is alive and well.

Hey chinks, this one's for you: when you deliver my sweet n sour chicken, don't spend 10 minutes rifling thru your wad of cash, looking surprised that someone might actually want change. I gave you a $20; no, that doesn't mean you get to keep the $14 change, gookface. And hey, you're IN AMERICA LEARN TO SPEAK THE FUCKING LANGUAGE!!!!!!! I speak better than you, and I'm a stuffed animal whose "mouth" is sewn shut for chrissakes. Get it together. Fwy wice, indeed.

Ann!! Call me! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

THEODORE