Friday, December 02, 2005

Theodore's New Hero

Tell you what I've just discovered. Usually, the only tv I watch is Fox News and, of course, whatever channel Tucker's on. But the other day the tv got left on another channel and I was, having no fingers to change the channel, forced to watch a show called "All in the Family", and I gotta say....

MY KINDA GUY!!!!

Archie Bunker, who is this guy? And why the hell isn't HE the voice of America? A regular joe, a simple, pragmatic man who knows his own, and others' place. LOVES his country and God! Everything this guy said sounded like absoulte wisdom to me; how in HELL had I never heard of him before? A few favorites:

Archie: I ain't gonna eat this food with these Chink pick-up sticks.
Mike Stivic: How can you say that, Arch? With one word you attack an entire race of people and not just the Chinese, the Laotians, the Cambodians, the Vietnamese.
Archie: Wait a minute, Meathead, I never call them countries Chinks.
Edith: He calls them Gooks.
Archie: I'm saying they're all a yellow race. They ain't exactly Chinks, but they are definitely offshoots of your Chinks, they're what you call Chinkish.

Archie Bunker: Well if all blood's the same, let me ask you this: how come they ain't got no Swedes in the mafia?
Mike Stivic: What does that got to do with anything?
Archie Bunker: Because your Italians got a lock on it. That's why. It's in their blood. Same way it's in your blacks' blood to do the 'scooby-dooby-doo'.

Mike Stivic: You got a hang-up about sex.
Archie: I ain't got a hang-up about... That.
Mike Stivic: See, you can't even say it.
Archie: I don't use four letter words in front of women, ya dope.
Gloria: Daddy, you shouldn't be afraid of sex.
Archie: Listen, little girl, if I was a afraid of it, you wouldn't be here. Right, Edith?

This guy is pure genius. I'm kicking off the Carlson/Bunker in '08 campaign right now. Im only pissed that it took me this long to finally meet my mentor. Y0u can find more great quotes here.

THEODORE

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