Guest Host: RRTHUR!!!!

I will be away until Monday -I know, little ones dry those tears...easy...well, I really think some of you aren't even crying...maybe you're not even trying...it’s as if you wont even miss me…wtf - ANYways, we have a guest host for the next three days...RRTHUR!!!

Rrthur is an old friend of Xmastime’s –let’s reminisce!!

1) Almost kissed at a Steve Wynn concert

2) Spent $21 at a Wendy’s in Queens

3) Stole 2 diet Cokes at Staples – zing! Fuck you, corporate America!!!

4) One time I was over at his house and he was defrosting the freezer. I’m watching the game, not paying attention, whatever. Then he says hey, come here for a second and I walk in and he’s pointing to the sink. I look, and there was some soft, melting chocolate ice cream sitting in the sink. As I’m looking at it, the waft of noxious Rrthur-gas hits my nostrils and all at once, two of my senses are taken over as my brain registers a fart smell with the sight of a pile of soft brown glop in the sink. I can still picture what he was wearing, as well as I can still fell the blood-curlding retching/dry-heaving my body went through. I find it hard to believe he will ever top this moment, and were it up to me this paragraph would go on his tombstone.

5) In case you missed the post a while back, he shit his pants in the 5th grade. I wasn’t there, but I love telling that story. Hell, I don’t even care if it’s true WHICH IT MOST DEFINITLY IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

6) rrthur's old band once played my fraternity in college. They played it super-cool and waited til 11:30 to start playing. Of course 5 minutes before midnite the place emptied so that people could go get more beer before the midnite cutoff, never to return. Divas. Then he stayed over in my girlfriend’s room, and in the morning used a complete stranger’s razor to shave his face and ended up getting some weird rash. I hate shaving anyways, I certainly don’t understand why he felt such an urgency to shave that appropriating a stranger’s razor was necessary. Maybe on a Sunday morning, after driving 400 miles and playing a rock show and staying up all night drinking he had a job interview? Hmm.

7) The first time I visited Rrthur after he moved to NYC, I get here as a freshly-scrubbed farmboy, never been in a city before, and as I’m walking in he says “Well, I’m gone for the weekend. Have fun! Oh, and the toilet’s broken.” Thanks asshole. I got back at him by not having sex with the over-the-top hot girl that I brought with me. Fuck you, corporate America!!!!!!!!!

8) Rrthur is the cousin of my first girlfriend in high school. I can’t say he had anything to do with our breaking up and my heart getting crushed to bits, but I also don’t think that summer when he decided to teach her how to French-kiss really helped me out either.

So enjoy our guest host, Rrthur! And in the meantime, I leave you with this:

PADDY MAC!! Looking terrified in the hands of Chester, Theodore's great-great grandpa who of course founded The American Bears of the Confederacy.