The Substitute

Yo! respek

I’m substituting for xmastime today. I come w/ credentials. I was a substitute once at my former high school. I had just moved home post-college. Miserable. No money. No job. No prospects. And worst of all, I had stupidly broken up with my girlfriend --who I now got to practically stalk—well, it wasn’t that bad, it’s hard to stalk a woman an hour away when you don’t have any money. Anyway, she could have come in handy—I’m not saying we should have remained together because we were destined to be (oh we broke up for ALL the right reasons – I sick of you, you sick of me), but it was pretty depressing not having anyone around to do anything with.

Try and keep up. There’s no test at the end. I’m a friggin substitute.

Heard there were openings at my old school, so I signed up and started raking in the 40 some bucks they paid per day. I had no desire to be there, no educational training, all I thought about was my band and how depressing it was to be living at home Miserable. No money. No job. No prospects (there’s a jim frey reference for you fuckers—STAY AWAKE!!!).

So I show up the first day. There’s a certain look your former teachers get in their eye when they first see you in your shitty tie and dockers. That “HAHAHA!!!! You simple MF. I know I only make $25K a year but it’s worth it to see this. Welcome to the real world fuckface”. Then they just throw you out there. No guidebook … no set of rules … you’re alone. Miserable. No (alright, not funny).

... so I get my first class.

This still kills me to this day. I don’t know whether it’s an indictment on the sad state of education or just how damn gullible high school students are. I walk in, say hi and proceed to the board to write my name. As I’m walking there, I figure I’ll do something to break the ice, so I write “Mr.” and then 8 consonants in a row. I turn around, they look puzzled. I say, “it’s pronounced SMITH”. No one batted a friggin eye. I was Mr. Smith for the rest of the day.

Then there’s the time that a student came on to me in the supply closet. Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard the scenario before in a thousand p’house forums. I wouldn’t lie. I did nothing. I will say that it would have been worth any stretch in the state pen. I heard she later became a stripper. That’s pretty sad. Well, sad because the dude who told me didn’t know the name of the club.

Other than that, i got no pics of theodore ... if you're quiet ... maybe you'll get recess

[this post was posted by Rrthur]