Song Titles, and The Two Beckys

The other night I stumbled upon the video of Peter Tosh and Mick Jagger's video for "Don't Look Back." First of all, Tosh shuoulda been able to sue Jagger for 3 minutes of that ridiculous herky jerky chicken dance shithead does for the camera. Well, and every second of every Stones show since. Seriously, if forcd to, would you rather watch Mick dry-heave to 'Jumpin Jack Flash" one more time or Michael J. Fox read the paper on day 3 of no meds? Christ. Anyways, the song was of course a cover of the Temps' classic of the same name. For some reason I started thinking of the classic Bruce outtake "Don't Look Back", and started wondering how many songs out there that are different songs but have the same titles, and which on is better? Within a few minutes I had already come up witha few. Walk with me.

"Don't Look Back" - The Temptations/Bruce Springsteen.
This is the only one where I cannot declare a winner. Go back n forth. One sublime smoothness, the other my "play loudly before meetin Op for 163 scotch n sodas/gettin in fights for playin too much Bruce at the Nest" cut. So this one is in fact a draw.

"Don't Let Me Down" - The Beatles/DT & the Shakes.
DT, no contest. THE definitive single by one of my all-time squads; plus this cut has always been a landmark of my youth. Whatever that means. Lennon's cut, blech. Start of his decline that would last the rest of his lifetime. Thank god h left us with Sean, The King of "Dudes That could Be Beaten Up By Bunny Rabbits."

"Rocks Off" - Rolling Stones/Def Leppard.
Please. No contest. Only thing that bugs me is this is one of the 60000 great Stones cuts they never play live; why play this or "Winter" when you can fucking put me to sleep with "Start Me Up"? And....I think the only reason I even know the Def Lep cut even exists is that awesome VH1 movie. Another case of my liking the movie more than the band - the king of this category being, of course, Metallica's "Some Kind of Monster." Should be required viewing for 1) people who don't like metal and love to laugh at these fucking idiots ("Lars, what rhymes with 'I'm a gazillionaire middle-aged dumbfuck trying to write scary, cliched metal lyrics like I'm still 14 years old'?") and 2) young kids who look like they're starting to get into Metallica. Make them watch this, then be like "...so...you SURE you wanna like this band?....good, didn't think so. Hand me my pants."


"Rock and Roll" - Mekons/Led Zeppellin
Page is the ultimate riff-meister, but its the Mekons here. Sorry, Lucifer. Jimmy Page musta been a weird dude to hang out in the early 70s, no? "Say, whaddya up to tonite Jimbo?" "Ah, I'll probably hit my black magic lab for a while before bedding down some 12-year old girls. Peace out."

"Hope You Had Fun" - Tandy/Hayday
Please. One is a country, slow number, the other is by the single greatest band who ever lived, written by, rumor has it, the 1979 Easter Egg Coloring Contest winner. Alright FINE, runner-up. Can't keep no secret past anymore. Fuckin wikipedia.

"Sooner or Later" - Marah/The Grass Roots
Marah's my squad of squads, but I gottsta go with the Grass Roots here. Mainly cause of childhood memories of playing this 8-track over and over again with my next door neighbor on one of those old stereos that were 3 feet tall, 10 feet wide. We'd listen to all those GR hits, then her mother would come in and teach us bukakke.

"She's the One" - Bruce Springsteen/The Ramones.
Bruce. Never been in love with the Ramones slice; everyone else always saw it as the big "Ramonesey" single on Road to Ruin, but I always thought of it as a "How to Write a Ramones Song 101." Blown away on the same side by "It's a Long Way Back" and "Questioningly." The Boss's cut features Bo Diddley stomp and Spector Wall of Sound. Think it has the word vanilla in it, too.

"Something to Believe In" - The Ramones/Poison
I will admit - if the Poison cut comes on the radio when I'm cruising down the road, it's prolly staying on. Also, I have no idea at this moment if it's Poison, or another of those bands...whatever. Meanwhile the Ramones cut is a perfect pop slice that makes you bawl like a baby every time you play it. Like the tapes I have where I read the eulogy at my own funeral. "..he was a good man, he was...please, girls...keep the crying down, please...Mr. Staubach! Save some ham biscuits!!!...he was warm, funny...can somebody get Uma off the casket? AGAIN?...he was..."

"Straight to Hell" - drivin n cryin/The Clash
Ooooh, close one...gotta go with the Clash. If only cause every numbnuts meathead somehow knows when to chime in at the end, "LIKE A ROLLING STONE SONG, IM GOIN STRAIGHT TO HELL..." for a while it seemed like it was gonna become the "salt! salt salt salt salt!" of our generation. Ugh. Plus, it's fun to imagine that when Joe & Mick wrote theirs, they meant it as a joke about, as they might say, "gooks", and never meant it o be released, but since it slipped out they've had to pretend it's a gravitas-laden song. Well played, gents. "Me Chinese, me play joke, my eyes are slanted but not broke."

"Do You Love Me?" - The Contours/KISS
Please. Not even close. Has anyone else seen that awful Gene Simmons reality show? Fucking hell, is there anything this dude won't fucking sell? oh yeah....a record that doesn't B-L-O-W.

"Wild Thing" - The Troggs/Tone Loc
Well, gotta go with the classic here. Though I do have memories of having my 16-yar old heart broke to the strains of Tone Loc at the Dunbrooke Hunt Club back in the day. Ohoh...the episode where Becky talks to Jackie about birth control is on. High tide for Becky #1, mini-skirt flappin in the breeze, 1989 bob in the hair. Or hairbob, halebop, however you call it. I found out one night on Larry King she lives in Red Hook and is VERY single. Of course I tried to call her up, no luck. Seriously, when is someone gonna write a show or movie for the two Beckys? Have a show where they interchange every few minutes, but no one ever acknowledges it, driving the viewers crazy. Or the two of them living together in the big city as roommates. "Hi Becky!" "Hi Becky! Thanks again for shaving my pussy!" "Sure! You done with my Patricia Cornwall book?" "Sure! Here!" etc etc. Brokeback Becky, maybe? Or they can sit around and cry to each other about Mark dying in real life....until they're confronted with a 3-ton great white shark!!! anyways. I'm not giving up on the 2 Beckys idea.