I've Lived Too Long

I've railed on these pages before about what an absurd hipster enclave Topps Grocery is, seemingly interested only in selling outlandishly expensive chocolates to trust fund kids and emo princes. This morning though was the topper. I showed up at after 9am, which they list as their opening time, to buy some milk. Door's locked. I look at my phone...9:08. What the fuck. Steam's coming out of my ears as three or four other people show up, and we wait together. Peering through the door, no movement inside. Unreal. Finally after a few minutes a woman comes to the door and unlocks it, and the small group of us start to surge forward when the woman cuts us off, motions us to stay outside and waves a guy in...THE FRITO-LAY GUY!!!!!!!!!!! And then she quickly shuts and locks the door behind them, leaving us outside. Before my head exploded into the atmosphere my last thought was where the fuck am I, Studio fucking 54???!! AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!