Lame Night TV

With each passing year, I realize more and more that you know what, I don't like David Letterman. By the time I came of age to care about such shows, prolly around college, I was bombarded with how cool and ironic he was. "You gotta watch his show!!" everyone would say. I'd watch a show and think well gee, he seems like a bit of an unfunny douche - and whichever DL apologist was sitting with me at the time would spring into action, telling me about the time in 1983 when he stapled his shoes to a wall and called Pizza Hut to order shoes from LL Bean. Hmm. Wow.

But since then his smugness, his hatred for his own art has worn my patience down to it's nubs. Yes, you're cooler than me, I get it. Wow. The beauty of a real comedian is his willingness to strip himself bare, to put himself out there for the audience to, in a split second, judge. True vulnerability is funny - those that stand around and point out vulnerability in others for a laugh may be funny for awhile, but sooner or later they simply become bullies and, even worse, insignificant.

Letterman of course has shielded himself from true vulnerability by always being in on the joke. During his monologue whenever a joke bombs, he's the first to roll his eyes, the first to point out how lame the joke is. He's SO cool that as he tells the joke he tells us it's not funny, wherein we're to bark like seals at this irony and be impressed that he got there before we did; him lapping us at the Irony Speedway. This is, of course, the equivalent of the fat guy making fat jokes before someone else does.

I don't think history will treat Letterman well. Let's be honest, as sqaure as Leno is, there's a reason he beats the shit outta Letterman every night (and I'm no Leno fan.) It seems you hafta be of a certain, obvious demographic to be a Letterman fan, a hipster of it's own time to "appreciate" him, which doesn't travel well through the years unfortunately.

Oh, and I'm done with Conan too; his junior varsity Letterman "ooh, nothing works here, I'm such an underdog!!" schtick has long overdone its welcome. For about $24M a year, can't NBC get someone who's truly funny, knows he's funny and tries to make you laugh every night? Is that too much too ask? Or should they throw more money at guys that turn the art of not being funny while making it's audience feel stupid into huge paychecks for themselves?