Xmastime Regrets, #1

A coupla years ago the girl I was in love with moved away to Chicago. Of course I was heartbroken, blah blah blah. I made the trip out there with her to help her move, and then a few days later it was time to say goodbye forever and come back to NYC. We were standing in line as I waited to board the train (highly recommended trip - scenery, off the hook. Well, what I could see thru my salty tears. Sigh.) Finally the call came to board, and the line started moving, and before I knew it I was at the front of the line, dude holding out his hand for my ticket. I gave it to him and then, because of my freakish fear when traveling that if you're not on the bus/train/plane an hour early it will take off without you, middle finger extended, I hurredly and distractedly pecked her on the lips goodbye and sprinted to get on the train. Which, of course, sat there for another 20 minutes as people behind me boarded. Ever since then I've regretted that I didn't hand my ticket to the guy, step outta line, drop my bag, and pull her into myself and lay one of those all-time, people-are-starting-to-look Wondermint commercial kisses. Still kicking myself. Not cause it woulda changed anything, not that she woulda all of a sudden said "I'm coming with you!" But it would've been a great moment, the right way to say goodbye to the love of my life. Nags at me that I panicked like a chickenshit to get on the goddam train. Fuck.