Hello? Hello????

One thing cell phones have taken away is the ol' "oh shit, did I hear so and so answer as I was putting the phone down?" routine. Remember that? With cellies now, you know that it's 3, 4 rings max, then straight to voicemail. In the old days, ESPECIALLY before everyone had answering machines, you'd call somebody up and sit through, oh, 19 rings. Finally you think "maybe this person isn't there" and hang up; and of course as the phone is 1/4 inch away from the cradle you SWEAR you heard the person on the other end "hello?" Shit!!! Better call them back, they're standing there by the phone now!!! Ring...ring...ring...and so on. Maybe another 36 rings or so; obviously the person put the phone back down and started sprinting away as fast as possible in any direction. And of course the more you liked somebody, the more rings you give them, and the more "oh shit, I think they picked up!" chances you give them. One night stand: 5 rings. Coupla dates in, 6 rings. Girlfriend, 1 ring.

Of course, there's the other side of things too. Me, I could tell a girl that she'd better call me at 6:30 sharp; after that I was going into the biosphere for 6 years without being able to contact the outside world, and she'd give me one ring. "RRRRRRing...aw fuck it, he ain't there." (click)

Ah, land lines, we hardly knew ya!!!