Golf

I've watched about 2 hours of today's US Open playoff. Which makes it about 2 more hours than any other time I've ever watched golf. I don't really understand why they make them play a whole 18 holes for the playoff; I would've guessed one, or three. If after my sexual acrobatics I have issued whilst my lady has not, do I start over and give her the whole performance again? Hell no - then SHE'D be paying ME, right? Camon. That's actually not a perfect analogy, but I haven't used "whilst" in months, so there ya go.

I do like the way the announcers whisper throughout the thing - I guess we're supposed to believe they're standing about 10 inches behind Tiger, right? Hi Tiger! Unfortunately it sounds like someone spying on their sister fucking her boyfriend on the couch while walkie-talkieing the details to their buddies. Ugh.

I also like the way they preview each hole - every inch of it leading up to the hole, the danger spots, what the ball will do in any situation, where the optimum lies are etc etc. Cause you never know when you might go from wiping Cheetos dust on your tighty-whities to being thrust into the US fucking Open. "Let's see, Jim Nantz said on 14 to cut left..." Christ. Hey, maybe porn flicks can start doing this? "Okay, Heather doesn't go crazy when her titties are sucked so just move on, stay close to her snatch...do NOT start any assplay, as she was diddled by her grandfather there once, so you'll wanna stay away from there. Let's play."