IKEA

The other day I was reading in the paper about the new IKEA coming to Red Hook - I don't know why I gave a shit to read about it, the last piece of furniture I actually bought myself was in 1995.

2 THINGS THAT HAPPENED ON THAT COUCH:

- delivered my "well, he ain't here, now is he?" line when girl I was making out with told me she had a boyfriend

- during a party at my house some dude passed out and pissed on the couch. I grabbed him, dragged him out of the house and threw him off the deck and into the backyard. And, because I am nothing if not a gentleman, I threw his crutches out to him so they'd be there when he woke up. Asshole!

Anyways, I'm reading about the IKEA opening and then I see that while they're opening on Wednesday, they're allowing people to get in line and camp out starting today. What? Is this a Grateful Dead concert? I mean, I would think that these aren't grubby college kids, right? The fact that these people are making the decision to, you know, buy furniture leads me to think they're reasonably mature, responsible adults. I don't see people lined up for days sleeping on the sidewalk when bank is opening. "Gotta be first in line for that syndicate loan at risk-based pricing!!!!" And it's a humungous furniture store, it's not like they're gonna run outta shit in the first hour. "Sorry, we're all outta chairs. Shoulda camped out."

If I was such a lazy ass, I'd go down there and ask these people "So...what the fuck's wrong with you?