Another Thing I Hate

Nothing drives me more batshit than when I see some motherfucker gnawing on a burger or sandwich that he's kept half of carefully wrapped up in its wrapper. For fuck's sake. First of all if I see you doing this, the first thing I think of is "gay." Sorry, just how it is. Maybe observing you handle a wrapper while putting something in your mouth makes me think you know how to handle a foreskin. I dunno. And why so fucking precious? Oooooh, you can't let your dainty little fag-hands touch the food that you got at such a despicable place as a fast food joint? Hey, where do you think the wrappers have been, assface? Did you think Princess Di and Jackie Kennedy hand delivered the fucking wrappers, guarding them closely themselves so that your precious fingers don't come in contact with the greaseburger you're mauling? Curious - you don't want your hands touching the food, but you don't mind it going in your mouth. Somebody's got a "my high school girlfriend..." joke in there somewhere.

Whenever I see some chump doing this, I do a slow burn while wishing that he'd accidentally catch some of the wrapper in his mouth and choke on it, falling to the floor for a few agonizing panicky moments before dying....after which I pick up his unfinished Big Mac and eat it while balling up the fucking wrapper and bouncing it off his head. Motherfucker.