The Money's on the Dresser (that's what she said!!!)

I was reading The Rambler just now and I started thinking you know, I am so far removed from ever again actually having sex with another person that even if a hooker came over, I think I would just end up bullshitting with her, maybe doing a little Whore of Mensa thing. Then it occurred to me that you know what I'd like? I'd like to be able to pay a hot chick to come over and listen to my off-the-charts amazing quips while watching tv. Just yesterday I was watching the Beverly Hills 90210 where the verdict comes in on Noah's "rape" of Val, and I was ON FIRE!!!; at every turn I was dropping such bombs I was cracking myself up, and all I could think of was "man, I just wish there was somebody here to share this with." You know, the American Dream. I don't want a wife, I want someone to shout out "good one, Xmas!" And I think there should be a service in place to take care of this need.