For Fuck's Sake

Maybe cause I'm getting old, or because there's maybe 2 bands still making music I could give two shits about, but there's certain things that bug me about bands making records. For one, I could give a shit that "______ is in the studio, working on new tracks!" Wow! How exciting! For...the 4 people in the band. What the fuck do I care - are they reading articles exclaiming "Xmastime is working on a post about BH 90210 and his nuts!!!"? No. Until the moment I can illegally download their album, I don't give a shit.

Also: I'm now declaring it against the law for bands to be AMAZED at themselves re: how MANY songs they wrote for the album. I in turn am always AMAZED that after they "wrote over a hundred songs man, the creativity would not stop!!!!" they were hard-pressed to put together a collection of 10 of them that aren't complete steaming piles of fuck-dung.

I also don't give a shit about your "current influences;" if you are, for instance, The Killers, I am not impressed you claim to have spent the last six months listening to modulating middle eastern rhythms, All Things Must Pass, and Soft Cell outtakes when I already know exactly what your next album will sound like: your last one. In other words, shitty. So shut the fuck up about "this album's influences!!"

Finally, I don't need a list of the tracks on your upcoming album (Bruce, I'm looking at you!) I'm flattered you took the time to copy and paste them to your website, but when I'm looking at, say,

"Working on a Dream" Song Titles:
1. Outlaw Pete
2. My Lucky Day
3. Working on a Dream
4. Queen of the Supermarket
5. What Love Can Do
6. This Life
7. Good Eye
8. Tomorrow Never Knows
9. Life Itself
10. Kingdom of Days
11. Surprise, Surprise
12. The Last Carnival
Bonus track:
The Wrestler

I may as well be looking at

"Working on a Dream" Song Titles:
1. Donkey Hey
2. Angel Angel Angel
3. Fighting Like a Woman
4. Dogs Don't Die..."
5. Dreams and Fading Cars
6. Cat Truck
7. Hi Mom
8. For No One
9. Going Tennis
10. Desk of World
11. Ball Tack
12. God Loves Squirrel
Bonus track:
Hammer Flour

ie A FUCKING COLLECTION OF WORDS THAT MEAN NOTHING TO ME SINCE I HAVEN'T HEARD THE FUCKING SONGS YET!!!!! "Wow, Kingdom of Days, boy, I can just TELL that's gonna be my slice!!!"

Shit annoys me. As does this moldy oldy from last year:

Bands that are AMAZED at themselves re: “how this record came together.” Araarrrrrggggghhh. Every time some fuckwad band is releasing an album now, they sit back and in interviews nd MARVEL at how this record “came together.” They’re mystified, wowed at how this magic happened. “Yeah, I mean, how this record was made, I mean it just somehow happened, came together, like magic, you know?” ummm...you mean you wrote some songs, some people came and played them and you recorded it? Wow! What a MYSTERY!!! Shut the fuck up. And then there’s always the jagoff who’s gotta take time out to let us know that while recording gee, I dunno, he just doesn’t really trust “technology.” He’s a luddite, all about the music! Shut the fuck up. You play electric instruments and record mostly onto a computer after which you pray that 15 year olds download your songs onto their iPods. So quit this stupid act; quit acting like if it were up to you you’d whisper your songs into blades of grass until the ghost of Robert Johnson heard your amazing, ethereal cuts and somehow made them available at Starbucks. Fuck. YEEEEEEW!