Heavy Metal

One of the few things I got right at an early age was the fact that heavy metal is fucking stupid. Even at about age 12 I was like "Hmm...dudes in makeup and leather, singing about unicorns in outer space...sounds stupid." It was hard to figure out who was dumber - the jackasses playing the stuff, or the idiots in class surrounding me who bought the shit.

ANYways, it turns out that heavy metal is one of those things like movies to me - I'd rather hear people talk about it than sit through the shit myself. I'm a big fan of that show on AMC Sunday Morning Shootout. I have no interest in watching, say, Chinatown, but I can sit and listen to these dudes talking about the movie, how it was made, what happened, what the movie means blah blah blah. And that's how metal is for me. I'd rather you set my eyelids on fire than hafta listen to about 10 seconds of the shit, but I'm now hooked on That Metal Show on VH1 Classic. Here we have grown men arguing over worhtless shit like who played bass on the last "real" Scorpions album, or who was the better Sabbath frontman - Ozzy, or some other jackass. AND about 1/2way through you realize that the old man falling asleep next to them is actually Ace Frehley.

Fascinating. And yes, you grown men clinging to your youth by listening to old men still trying to find words that rhyme with "fire" and "Byzantine," I think your music is incredibly stupid. But I appreciate the earnestness of some of these superfans I see on tv. Well, even if I think they're idiots.