homebirth

As soon as I walked in the door, I heard the noises coming from the bedroom in back - animal, feral noises. Yeesh, I thought to myself. The noises got louder as I neared the fridge, and the shouting started in full earnest a minute later, drowning out the sound of the microwave nuking my taquitos. I almost winced at some of the shouting, it was so real. I settled back on the couch, and I don't wanna sound like an asshole here but I did have to raise the volume 4 times during Real Housewives of New York City (SIMON -it's GIRL'S night out!!!! Stay the fuck home, dude!!!) to hear over the din comin from 4 rooms away. The neighbors are gonna hate me, I remarked re: the tv volume. The taquitos mighta been cooked for 15-20 more seconds, but I was settled on the couch, why get up?, so I just ate 'em. Then she appeared, and she was beautiful. I guess, I mean what am I, a fucking doctor?