The Pope Knows

Obviously, simply asking people TO NOT HAVE SEX is the answer that's worked so well thus far. Hmm. Yeah, asking people to skip sex altogether is much easier than asking them to have the discipline to sheath themselves before sex. "Take 3 seconds to put on a rubber? Oh, fuck that; let's just watch Webster." Yes, yes - why didn't anybody ever just say this before? All you gotta do is ask! Hey, can the Pope NICELY ask black people to walk faster than dead bodies when they're on the sidewalk in front of me fucking hipsters to NOT stand next to me on a packed subway car with their fucking scalding hot coffees? Jesus christ - these douchebags bring the shit on the train where we're all packed in like sardines. They stand there with it, waving it an inch from my face while we hurtle down the tracks. So at BEST I spend 15 minutes having to fucking worry about the shit spilling on me without it actually happening; at WORST it fucking does. And since you can't even drink the shit cause you can't move your arms cause of the crowd, your precious 60 cent coffee, which you couldn't just fucking wait to grab on the other end, has LITERALLY no purpose other than to make my fucking life miserable. Congratulations, asshole.