Thursday, April 02, 2009

Saturday Night I Urinated All Over Myself In Bed

Don't worry, story forthcoming. Meantime I only have a few minutes of sitting.

MY WEEK SO FAR BY THE NUMBERS

Number of Hours Bedridden:
123 and counting
Number of Hours Before I Was Able to Crawl Out of Bed and Try to Walk Around: 54
Numbers of Hours Before My First Dump: 120
Number of Times Masturbated: 0 :(
Number of Times I've Gone that Long Before: (penis doesn't understand question)
Number of Things I've Eaten: one wonton soup, one apple

Meanwhile, your outpouring of concern has been overwhelmingly touching, heartfelt and appreciated; so much so that I've posted some of my favorites HERE for everyone to see. Again, thanks so much to all my fans.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Feel better you gout-ridden shitbag.

Anonymous said...

Just for the record, that wasn't me. Get well soon.

Kiko Jones said...

Didn't know. Feel better and get well soon, friend.

The Gnat said...

Sorry, XMAS. I thought you were busy in the corporate world all week. . .

The Gnat said...

Oh yeah, today I am in Boston for the first time ever. Dey all sound like your welatives heah. Wicked smaht tho.

Xmastime said...

my people!!! if you swing by a Patriots' practice, look for Aunt Pat at the blocking sled.

thanks, Kiko!

and anonymous! :)

SKL said...

I was starting to worry last night, really. I know, four days in but still. Glad you are (semi-) mending.

Nerdhappy said...

You ate an apple?