How Come It's Not 1-800-KICK-ASS? INteresting.

From NERDHAPPY:

I think this is a sure fire winner:

Fight Now (TM)

You call 1-800-Fight-Now

Enter the requested description of your adversary... height, weight, etc.

And someone will be sent to attack you within 48-72 hours. At anytime, anywhere. You need to be ready at all times.

Good Luck.

My brain is frozen re: what I wanna do first - call in and ask for an old lady in a wheelchair to attack me (hearing her wheeling up behind me and surprising her with a roundhouse kick to the head before she's even near me, the weak bitch!), or calling and posing as somebody ELSE, so THEY get THEIR ass kicked...someone like, oh, I dunno, let's say...any of these people.