I'm Such a Dick

I went to watch a friend of mine read from her upcoming book of poems at Bryant Park last night; you can probably guess how many times this has happened in my life. She was the second person to read, so before her some other woman read a bunch of her own poems.

Now, for all I know these poems were amazing. I have no idea; I was too busy talking under my breath and rolling my eyes. I realize I am of two minds when listening to poetry. If I know you and like you, I sit respectfully, listen carefully and am very impressed with your work. Thoughts in my head may include:

"Yes! so true!"
"Boy, that was forceful."
"Full circle with the shark...interesting..."
"Hmmm......."
"Interesting..."
"Do the plants represent our own growth?"

Whereas if you're just some random speaker reading, I talk under my breath to whomever is sitting next to me, such as:

"Wrap it up" (carefully placed 8 seconds into start of reading)
"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" (my own classic snore sound ALWAYS GETS A LAUGH!!!)
"This is AMAAAAAAZING." (eyeroll)
"This doesn't rhyme" (faux confused look, wait for laugh)
"Wow that's deep" (eyeroll)
"Wrap it up" (carefully placed between every poem now)
"Are there any scouts here? Cause she's good. She's ready for The Show" (looking around, doing some sight gags at this point)
"Is this one about me?"
"zzzzzzzzzzzzz"

And on and on. Ah well.

I am not young enough to know everything. - Oscar Wilde