New Recurring Daily Post: "What Was Xmastime Thinking About 2 Years Ago Today?"

Friday, September 21, 2007

Knock It Off, Jessica Xmastime

What’s with Jessica Alba sprinting from talk show to talk show to desperately sell us on how clumsy she is? What the fuck…apparently she spends 2 hours in the new steaming pile of movie she’s in bumping into things and tripping. And she sprains her lips hurriedly trying to tell us that that’s how she is in real life, so pleased with herself. Why does she think this is so endearing? Yes, it’s nice to know you’re human, but you’re going overboard. You’re super hot, accept it. I’m sorry, but you’re successful cause you’re hot. Period. A truly funny female is rare enough (shout out to Hitch), we certainly don't expect you to be hot AND funny. One or the other is enuff. And, to be honest, we prefer hot. Trying to pound us over and over re: “look at me; I’m so clumsy!” to show us you’re “normal” and "funny" isn’t endearing or, ta-da!...funny. Wow, hot girl tripping. My sides are splitting. Does she think she’s SO hot she has to now counterbalance this with goofiness? Like Charlize Theron, who cannot seem to do a movie anymore unless she’s required to cover her face in moles and wear a dead mouse for an eyepatch. Camon. Did John Holmes ever try to prove something by saying “look, I can’t make rice!! I’m just like you!!” No. He said “I have a huge dick, you’re paying to see it.” And he died of AIDS!!!!











Laying in bed nekked with you, or opening for Greg Giraldo at the Chuckle Hut every Thursday? You decide.